girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
