Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
