im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
