I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
