I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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