so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
