So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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