you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I pour the whiskey from now on
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
