You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Found your dick twin last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
