Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
