Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
