I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
