we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
