The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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