So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
