HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
