How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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