I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
