A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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