I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
