The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
