You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
