mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
