I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
