Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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