Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
