smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
