You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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