I just gift wrapped bread.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
