guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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