I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
