Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
