i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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