I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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