I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
