Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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