i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
