"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
