I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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