Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
