Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
