I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
