I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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