ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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