Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
