I got her a Nickelback box set.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
