I hate all girls vehemently.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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