Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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