Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
