All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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