Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
