I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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